there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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