Apparently you make a good broom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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