Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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