What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
