How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
