the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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