Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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