Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
