A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
