If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
