sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
