I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
