You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
