I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
