I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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