we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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