In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
