he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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