they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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