hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
