if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
