im six kinds of drunk right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
