Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
