I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
