Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
