On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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