doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
