sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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