I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
