Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
