I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
