Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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