im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he thought i was a dude.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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