he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
