Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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