Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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