Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
