Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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