bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
