I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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