she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
