I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
