In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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