update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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