Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
