Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
