i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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