Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
