oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
