You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's blow job season.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
