My cat gives me a boner
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
