we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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