he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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