I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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