honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
