then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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