I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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