Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize