Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
