when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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