so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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