Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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