she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
