So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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