I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
