Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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