yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
