Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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