He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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