never play flip cup with pint glasses
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
