I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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