mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
