Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck appropriateness.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
