chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I die, sorry about rent.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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