third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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