The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
