need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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