This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
